"When the flyer arrived for Farmyard Frolics, there was no question of not doing it. 10k of cross country with obstacles and water was definitely for me. And more importantly for the other ten nutters making up the three Hinckley teams: The Mad Cows, the Old Goats (and Little Lambs) and the Hogs(?)
And I guess it was a red rag to a bull when my boss asked whether we’d be taking part dressed as a pantomime cow. Admittedly, the first thought that went through my head was “Not the back end”, but then the seeds of an idea were sown; find something…practical enough to compete in, and it would be a possibility.
A quick surf later and Amazon turned up the suits. One man cows. Lightweight. Unlikely to hold water, and cheap (unlike to £499 deluxe model). After a quick confirmation call to John - to make sure he was as mad as I am (he isn't - he has bluetongue...at least he does on his mobile) – and the black and whites were on their way. They turned out to be a bit short on me, but that goes with the territory of being a lanky streak of pelican’s pee.
Sunday morning. Not good. Wake up to snow on the ground and rain which gets progressively harder as the day dawns. This is definitely jersey weather. We go to meet up at the Leisure Centre for just gone 8 (who’s daft idea was it to go so early). I say “We”, the other being a now terrified Katie who has had the race blown into epic “Tough Guy” proportions by my better half (who hasn’t read the blurb and has spent the previous evening hen-pecking her) and whom I have been instructed to look after. Easy job. If I could keep up.
The others are early on time, but not all there. Kev is doing his best to demonstrate that reality is an illusion caused by lack of alcohol having overdone it a bit the night before, and Steve is definitely not well, sounding a bit hoarse, but not going to miss this. Since when did coughing up a bit of blood stop anyone? The nutters today are probably not the ones in fancy dress.
By the time we got to Spinney Campus, Brooksby it is raining cats and dogs. Admittedly the temperature is rising, but that is from -1 to 0. Still fresian. Grandad voices his displeasure on the phone when I call to let him hear the torrents bouncing off the windscreen. Little Kaz arrives, looks at the weather, and sheepishly chickens out.
But as we change the wind drops and the rain stops. There is even a hint of blue sky. With the costumes on we are the black sheep of the starting line-up, along with the Aussie with the inflatable crocodile, Spiderman, and the old grannies. Still, we feel more….relevant….to the day.
The 10k starts out standard cross country, albeit very muddy. We moove off at a fair old rate. Not many people are taking this too seriously, so there’s a fair bit of banter from the udder runners. Field changes are marked by hay bale jumps, and the first grassy field has the added obstacle of a herd of sheep. (Just as well Seth didn’t make it along then).
The first big obstacle is the tyre pile. As we run down the hill we spy a gaggle of spectators in the yard, so we moo our arrival. In appreciation, the cows in the cowshed alongside moo back! Steve has kittens. It’s a class moment.
This is followed by a haystack. Easy for the tall ones; more challenging for the likes of Katie. Still, it’s nothing compared to the pond we go through next. Steve leads, and nearly buys the farm as he loses his footing. Katie is behind, and all I can hear is the sound of lungs inflating to bursting point with the shock of the change in temperature. I find the shallower channel on the left which saves her ducking under the surface. Once clear, our legs have gone to ice; we can’t feel them at all.
At least that’s the end of the water. Except it isn’t. The wiley old goats have slipped in a stream in the last couple of kays just to take the edge off warming up again. They have also squeezed in some sharp inclines. We finish a couple of minutes behind Simon et al. (I was hoping to persuade Simon to write this, just so we could title it Animal's Farm.) He looks like the cat who got the cream having snaffled a third place, and their team has done very well overall.
So….Frolics. In summary this is a class event. Not serious, not overly competitive, and for a good cause. The organisation is smooth and friendly and the facilities are good (especially for a cross country event).
Would we do it again? Definitely. But the general consensus is next time we’ll do it as a bigger herd!"
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